A Child’s Death

A Child’s Death

I am sharing this background on my darling daughter’s death as the subject has come up many times. This experience while painful was a glorious reaffirmation to me of how Life is Eternal.

Rick Winsor December 28 at 2:48pm

Desiree’s passing was 2 days past her 24th birthday in 2004. Her mother and I went through a very difficult divorce when she was about 8. I KNEW my contract in life was to live as I am now living but didn’t understand the necessary ingredients of creating. So I ended up pushing things to the limit. Lots of money then broke. Her mother couldn’t stand this(for good reason) and left to become involved sadly with an abusive man.

Desy was living with her until it became intolerable. A year after being with me she developed kidney disease. Both she and I knew it was to pull her mother out of the situation she had created for herself. We both knew that if she went onto dialysis it would be a one way path. We tried everything available. Homeopathic medicine, Eastern medicine, Acupuncture, therapy, all would work for while but the symptoms (extreme body swelling) would reoccur. I slept on the floor next to her for almost a year, bathed and toileted her. A difficult time as my mother had developed dementia at the same time so I was the Caregiver for both. Actually the other daughter moved into full blown schizophrenia also. Really learned to survive in Spirit.

Finally there was no alternative and she was on dialysis for 12 years. She got a kidney transplant from her mother who had finally left the man, but the kidney failed as Desy was feeling so good after the transplant she stopped taking her anti-rejection medicine.

She was living on Kauai and doing yoga training, a picture of beauty and health. She came back to the mainland and was put back on dialysis. She told me often she would not live long as she was determined to live life her way not as the doctors insisted (which was very limited.)

She got a bad case of strep while in the hospital in 2004 and died shortly after.

Right after I was notified, we made arrangements to go from Zion NP where we working, to Portland where she was, to attend a memorial for her at the Rose Garden. A spontaneous affair that about 500 attended. Her love, humor, courage and compassion had touched many. Before we left Utah she came to me in Spirit in the car. She was sitting there and I, just feeling her presence, when she flew out of the car and around it a number of times, reseated herself and told me how great it was to be out of that “fucking body.” She then told me to treat the memorial as a celebration as she was “HOME.”

At the memorial I spoke to this very depressed crowd. I told them I could see her hiding behind the trees counting heads to see who cared enough to show up and was laughing. The mood changed instantly to the kind of energy she was exhibiting. Her intent obviously.

Several months later I had this very, very super-conscious dream, more real than waking. She was in a carriage like in Central Park and pulled up to me and stopped. She was radiant, impossibly beautiful. She was beautiful in flesh but this was unreal. She beckoned me into the coach to sit next to her. She then gave me a very un-daughterly kiss. She told me she would watch out for me. I got down and the dream ended in a mist.

I have always been unafraid of death so it wasn’t a surprise and yet it was.

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